The Bachelor Season 22 Episode 3
The episode starts out with girls talking about how they are emotionally drained and it makes me wonder... HOW ARE YOU GOING TO HANG!? It has only been one week. One. Week. Chris walks in and says there are more dates and not everyone gets to go and here is an envelope.
First date. Group date. "It's all about the ring." Like not a real ring. A wrestling ring. Let's do this thing. Enter the original G.L.O.W. girls.
They start with rolling and fake fighting and then the original fighter comes over to fight Gangsta Bib. And Bib is not having it. So awkward. Tia says she is out. These G.L.O.W. fighters are mean.... I don't like them. What is it with mean girls this season?! And then other girls are like. Don't cry. We are supposed to make fun of each other. Then all the girls get their costumes... ranging from Lunch Lady to Southern Belle. Enjoy.
Fights start with Arie fighting Pretty Boy K or whatever his name is from the last season. And then all the girls fight and I am uncomfortable.
Cocktail party at the RV park. This is a real treasure of a date. Krystal goes in first and they don't actually talk. Just make out. And then she asks if she needs to be aggressive. I don't like her awkward breathy voice. I am dying because all of their interviews are in an RV. This is so different than the romantic candles and wood decor in the background! And Bibs takes her first chance to talk trash about Krystal. So bye. Good luck. And then Krystal, who was the very first, comes back and asks everyone if they have talked to Arie? Umm... you just got back.
Meanwhile back at the house there is another date card! Chelsea things she will be getting the one on one. And SLAP IN THE FACE! It is Lauren S. "You had me at merlot."
Let's take it back to the trailer park. Really. The way to sum up all the one on one convos is that Arie is making out with everyone. And Krystal keeps trying to act like her connection is better and belittle everyone else. And talk about how their connection is a false reality. KRYSTAL. You nuts. Annnnnd NO ROSE FOR YOU! Bekah or Becca or whatever you spell it gets it for the kisses she handed out. And Krystal tells her "good".
Okay. Let's talk about Krystal. She is weird. And telling other girls how everyone is so jealous of her. And her BFF in 8th grade never would bring boys around her because she would steal them. And that her and Arie know they want to be together. DON'T SAY THAT TO OTHER GIRLS! That is rude. You cray.
Lauren S. pack up for your one on one incase you go home. And then we will drive you to a private jet. And off to wine country we go. Wine date was chill. Got to dinner. Arie asked Lauren S. one question about why she was on The Bachelor and she answered about her last relationships, her job, her family, why music is powerful, and eye infection... and so on. Then she says, "I am not myself tonight." And Arie ends it there. And picks up the rose. And says he can't give it to her. Awkward.....
Back at the house. Another card which means another group date. "Love is ruff..." And Annalise had another traumatic experience, this time with dogs, and she is starting to have a mental breakdown. And then the girls find out Lauren S. is going home and Krystal decides to analyze it and I really dislike her...
Time for the dog date...
They are playing with dogs and Annalise shares her experiences. And now they are showing the dogs. And I am bored... soooo. That's that. Chelsea is up and a toddler decides to join her on stage. Because the dogs won't do anything. Did I mention this show was going on at The Grove? They are doing a dog show at The Grove.
Making our way to the group date make out party... I mean cocktail party. That sums it up. He just kisses lots of girls. He is taking this Kissing Bandit title a littttttle too far. The only girl he didn't kiss was the girl that said her goal was to kiss him that night. And Chelsea snags the rose. Probably because she came back to find him for a second kiss.
Alright. Time for the cocktail party before the rose ceremony. And Gangsta Bib set up this whole beautiful thing and then someone else stole it... like. Seriously. Someone else took him out there and they made out on her magical setup. Poor Bib. And then she asks Arie for time and he says "Can I have 5 more minutes?" AND THEN HE KEEPS TAKING MORE GIRLS OUT THERE! At least three of them... and then he does a special setup for Tia. This guy. And then Annalise asks to kiss and he says no and then kisses everyone else... and one girl straddles him and I am uncomfortable again. AM I THE ONLY ONE THAT IS UNCOMFORTABLE?!
And Annalise is back for another round. TELL ME IF YOU LOVE ME!!!!!!!! I mean she is a lot more normal than that. But she wants to know. I don't blame her. And all the girls are listening in. And he says no. And this is sad. Another traumatic experience for Annalise. Bless her heart.
Rose Ceremony time. With Annalise's early exit only one more girl is getting the boot. While everyone waits for their turn they are all talking about how this rose means more than any other and they all love slash like him more than before. And I am sitting here thinking, did Bib ever get her one on one time!? We shall see... who will go? Who will go?
And the girl that goes home is Bib. Which makes me think she didn't get that one on one time. Poor thing. All set up with a romantic scene, snatched by other girls and Arie, and then told to wait five minutes. And now you are excused... that sucks.
Lauren Count: DOWN TO ONE! Lauren B. You did it girl.
So long, farewell... aka. The Rose-less: Annalise and Gangsta Bibiana
Best Dressed at the Rose Ceremony: Chelsea, Marikh, Kendall, Lauren B., and Becca K.